Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize