I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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