3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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