if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
