FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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