What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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