At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
