I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
