I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
