Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
