dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
