Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
