you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
