I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
