We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
