my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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