I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
