I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
