Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
