i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
