did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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