I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
