She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
