JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
