my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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