can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
