The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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