did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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