So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
