Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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