One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Green mimosas i think yes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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