he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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