She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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