I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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