I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
