I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
