we're chasing vodka with high fives
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
