My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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