john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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