I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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