Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
