please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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