you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Operation Purity has been aborted
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
