I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
