I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
