Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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