I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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