i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
