It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize