dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
