I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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