you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
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Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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