Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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