i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
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I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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