Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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