Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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