she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize