Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
