if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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