we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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