so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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