someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
