I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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