I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
