I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
