I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she told me i tasted like america
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
