I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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