i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
