I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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