Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
