The maid of honor just puked.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
40s are totally the cure
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
