you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
