This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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