My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
