I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
